new year-new man

since my last blog (as you can see it was pathetic and a LONG time ago) i had not been doing so well. after this breakup i felt like all the good things i was doing (exercising, praying, tithing, singing on the worship team, bloggin about my journey, studying the Bible) were all for nothing. (i know, stupid) so i stopped doing them except for praying. my “walk” has been pretty much crap since then, yet recently God blesses me with a dream come true. i still went to church and that’s where the dream came about but i wasn’t even paying much attention and would skip sometimes just cause i didnt feel like going. all of a sudden i had a new dream. i started “hitting my knees” so-to-speak and lifting up this dream to Him all the time. i started each prayer with “i know i don’t deserve this but…” and the dream became within reach and finally seems to be developing into reality. i am reminded of my confirmation essay i had to write in 8th grade (lutheran, not catholic). it was on “works”.

Ephesians 2:8-9 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”

Guess i needed to be reminded that its not by works alone that we are blessed/saved. I was still a good person (pretty much) as far as helping others and I still had a strong faith. I just got lazy and thought my work had been in vain. All this didn’t matter because of grace. God saved me and continues to bless me not because of the works I do or because of my faith, but simply by His divine grace and love for His children. Through that time of feeling “undeserving” I had many blessings. Family, amazing friends, managing to work through finances when it seemed impossible and development of my gifts and talents. I also got a job change I wanted and also had a couple opportunities to share my faith in a secular job. Not only this but while getting to know our new pastors I also got asked to take on a new area of service in my church. Imagine that. I wasn’t singing on the worship team anymore and coaching church softball was over so I felt I hadn’t much to offer my church. A friend asks me to help out as a substitute in making coffee on sundays (a definite service) and a new pastor meets me and thinks that I am the person he was praying for to serve in an area of ministry.

But most of all, a dream, a pretty unrealistic one, is coming to fruition. There were so many doubts and areas of uncertainty and yet our amazing God heard the prayers of an undeserving sinner and answered. My favorite country song says that some of God’s greatest gifts are UNANSWERED  prayers, which is true, but in this case please consider this undeserving man very grateful for ANSWERED prayers through nothing more than God’s amazing grace. How silly I was to think I had to do all those things in order for Him to bless me. I need to do those things to grow closer to Him and to be an obedient servant, but regardless of how awful I am at times He still loves and blesses me beyond measure. Thank you.

Romans 8: 38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

A Man Called Jesus

 I’ve written a poem of the Easter story;

about a man, a man of glory.

A man called Jesus willing to die,

they laughed at him and spit in His eye.

In the garden he prayed and wept,

while nearby the disciples slept.

They asked His friends if they knew His name,

they betrayed his love and hid in shame.

They placed a crown of thorns on His head,

He hung on the cross, suffered and bled.

“The King of the Jews” it said on a sign,

a King He is, most certainly mine.

Our Savior shouted as He died on the tree.

“My God, my God, Why hast thou forsaken me?”

Between two robbers Jesus died,

just to make sure they pierced His side.

The dead were raised and the earth shook,

Jesus was crucified, just like a crook.

Lord Jesus Christ rose from the dead,

someone stole His body everyone said.

Before his friends the risen King stands,

the wound in His side and holes in His hands.

He conquered death to save our sins,

with faith in Him everyone wins.

He paid a debt He did not owe,

I read the Bible, it told me so.

Forgiveness of sins is all we need,

Jesus Christ is risen indeed!

Scott R.W. Grefrath

Easter 1993

I heard a song on K-love yesterday that talked about a girl going “100 mph in the wrong direction”. It was “Does anybody hear her?” by Casting Crowns. It says she is “another two years older and three more steps behind”. It reminded me of some people I know who seem like they have just been stuck in the same spot for years or even worse, a few steps behind where they were a few years ago. Not only did this get me thinking about some of the people I know (who shall remain nameless) but it also got me to thinking about myself. While I don’t feel like I am headed in the wrong direction, some of my actions and choices are not helping me get where I want to go. So why do I keep doing them? I also realized that perhaps I have not set the best example for some non-Christians in my life. While I go to church, read the Bible and make (for the most-part) ethical Christian choices, I still do some things and engage in a style of talking and crude humor that gives non-believers something negative to point at. I need to work at knocking that off if I want to be able to tell my story and lead others to Christ. My heart for Christ on the inside has changed but not all of my outside actions have been reflecting that change. Some of the changes I have made are not visible, so I need to work on the one’s that people who I can potentially have an impact on can see. I realized the power that comes with working with younger people and having people (of any age) look up to you.

More thoughts on the song and the person running 100 mph in the wrong direction….

A teacher in college was talking about dilemmas. A true dilemma, he said, is when you have two choices and neither one of them is more appealing than the other (or they are both equally unappealing). But what he said next was what has stuck with me. He said any movement, even in the wrong direction, is better than no movement at all. If you are at a fork in the road and you head off in one direction and it turns out to be the dead end then at least you know and can turn around and head back in the right direction. But if you stay stuck in the middle you will never find out. So I will set out to head in the right direction and if I chose the wrong path, hopefully I dont go down it at 100 mph or crash. I am sure I will take little detours but need to keep focusing on pluggin away towards my final destination. peace.