new year-new man

since my last blog (as you can see it was pathetic and a LONG time ago) i had not been doing so well. after this breakup i felt like all the good things i was doing (exercising, praying, tithing, singing on the worship team, bloggin about my journey, studying the Bible) were all for nothing. (i know, stupid) so i stopped doing them except for praying. my “walk” has been pretty much crap since then, yet recently God blesses me with a dream come true. i still went to church and that’s where the dream came about but i wasn’t even paying much attention and would skip sometimes just cause i didnt feel like going. all of a sudden i had a new dream. i started “hitting my knees” so-to-speak and lifting up this dream to Him all the time. i started each prayer with “i know i don’t deserve this but…” and the dream became within reach and finally seems to be developing into reality. i am reminded of my confirmation essay i had to write in 8th grade (lutheran, not catholic). it was on “works”.

Ephesians 2:8-9 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”

Guess i needed to be reminded that its not by works alone that we are blessed/saved. I was still a good person (pretty much) as far as helping others and I still had a strong faith. I just got lazy and thought my work had been in vain. All this didn’t matter because of grace. God saved me and continues to bless me not because of the works I do or because of my faith, but simply by His divine grace and love for His children. Through that time of feeling “undeserving” I had many blessings. Family, amazing friends, managing to work through finances when it seemed impossible and development of my gifts and talents. I also got a job change I wanted and also had a couple opportunities to share my faith in a secular job. Not only this but while getting to know our new pastors I also got asked to take on a new area of service in my church. Imagine that. I wasn’t singing on the worship team anymore and coaching church softball was over so I felt I hadn’t much to offer my church. A friend asks me to help out as a substitute in making coffee on sundays (a definite service) and a new pastor meets me and thinks that I am the person he was praying for to serve in an area of ministry.

But most of all, a dream, a pretty unrealistic one, is coming to fruition. There were so many doubts and areas of uncertainty and yet our amazing God heard the prayers of an undeserving sinner and answered. My favorite country song says that some of God’s greatest gifts are UNANSWERED  prayers, which is true, but in this case please consider this undeserving man very grateful for ANSWERED prayers through nothing more than God’s amazing grace. How silly I was to think I had to do all those things in order for Him to bless me. I need to do those things to grow closer to Him and to be an obedient servant, but regardless of how awful I am at times He still loves and blesses me beyond measure. Thank you.

Romans 8: 38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”