Room to Dance 

In my mind’s eye I’ve created our magical romance,

The sweetest most perfect love if we’d only take the chance.

I can hardly imagine the incredible power,

the image it haunts me in this dark hour.

From the moment I saw your beautiful face,

I lost all my faith in the human race.

In all my years I never could fine,

another so innocent, so pure and so kind.

A bond was formed that day not like we had ever planned,

that I should love you forever, no one could understand.

A love so true it’s hard to comprehend,

a genuine flame burning strong will never end.

Your loving heart glows through eyes so true and warm,

a beauty unmatched, an angel in human form.

We were drawn together by destiny, or maybe even fate,

I’ve found my once in a lifetime, you are my perfect mate.

Take a risk with me in a mystical romance,

for our hearts may never find enough room to dance.

Scott R.W. Grefrath

well all in all an ok year. i didn’t stick to my resolutions all that long but i did make it 2/3 of the way through the “bible in a year thing”. and i have done numerous things that “old scott” would never do. in fact, cory just said the other day “old scott is dead”. i got divorced 4/13 which turned out to be the most positive thing i ever did for myself.  i fell in love twice and got my heart broken twice but i dont regret it. i broke two hearts so perhaps i deserved it. i got a job change i wanted, grew leaps and bounds in my photo taking and cooking hobbies, and started voice lessons again. its funny to see how things have come “full circle” this year. i used to always think little of myself in comparison to cory (appearance wise) and the other day he said he was jealous of all the female attention i have gotten lately. the other night we ran into my first kiss/first girlfriend from 8th grade. it was so neat to meet her as an adult and have time to reminisce. saddest things of the past year would have to be the two heartbreaks and the deaths of my favorite opera singer, Luciano Pavarotti (9/6/07) and favorite football player, Sean Taylor #21 (11/21/07). i am most thankful that i am still healthy and for the health of my family and friends. i am thankful that cheryl made it through surgery successfully and that sue and don are finally adopting. the greatest moments of 2007 were the times with Amy and Caleb, Amanda and Autumn, first kiss with Amanda, Red Sox winning the world series, this past weekend with Cory and my concert this past April, plus good times with my family. the things i am most looking forward to in 2008 are the arrival of my new nephew and hopefully opportunities to pay tribute to Pavarotti. Peace and best wishes.

I was just reading some of my old blogs. Funny that I find an old blog that mentions my bible reading from that day was from Romans 11 and spoke about the very topic of my last blog.

Romans 12:6 “And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace.”

webster defines grace as: a: unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification b: a virtue coming from God c: a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace

no matter how i look at it…unmerited or undeserved..i am still thankful for His amazing, divine grace. He has shown me so much undeserved blessing but tonight I am praying for His divine grace to be upon one of my friends who I feel deserves His grace. Father, hold this person as close to your heart as she is to mine. Wrap her in your arms that she might feel your love and healing that you have sent me in many difficult times. Use me in whatever way You desire to bring about healing, restoration and move her closer to You. In Jesus name, Amen.

since my last blog (as you can see it was pathetic and a LONG time ago) i had not been doing so well. after this breakup i felt like all the good things i was doing (exercising, praying, tithing, singing on the worship team, bloggin about my journey, studying the Bible) were all for nothing. (i know, stupid) so i stopped doing them except for praying. my “walk” has been pretty much crap since then, yet recently God blesses me with a dream come true. i still went to church and that’s where the dream came about but i wasn’t even paying much attention and would skip sometimes just cause i didnt feel like going. all of a sudden i had a new dream. i started “hitting my knees” so-to-speak and lifting up this dream to Him all the time. i started each prayer with “i know i don’t deserve this but…” and the dream became within reach and finally seems to be developing into reality. i am reminded of my confirmation essay i had to write in 8th grade (lutheran, not catholic). it was on “works”.

Ephesians 2:8-9 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”

Guess i needed to be reminded that its not by works alone that we are blessed/saved. I was still a good person (pretty much) as far as helping others and I still had a strong faith. I just got lazy and thought my work had been in vain. All this didn’t matter because of grace. God saved me and continues to bless me not because of the works I do or because of my faith, but simply by His divine grace and love for His children. Through that time of feeling “undeserving” I had many blessings. Family, amazing friends, managing to work through finances when it seemed impossible and development of my gifts and talents. I also got a job change I wanted and also had a couple opportunities to share my faith in a secular job. Not only this but while getting to know our new pastors I also got asked to take on a new area of service in my church. Imagine that. I wasn’t singing on the worship team anymore and coaching church softball was over so I felt I hadn’t much to offer my church. A friend asks me to help out as a substitute in making coffee on sundays (a definite service) and a new pastor meets me and thinks that I am the person he was praying for to serve in an area of ministry.

But most of all, a dream, a pretty unrealistic one, is coming to fruition. There were so many doubts and areas of uncertainty and yet our amazing God heard the prayers of an undeserving sinner and answered. My favorite country song says that some of God’s greatest gifts are UNANSWERED  prayers, which is true, but in this case please consider this undeserving man very grateful for ANSWERED prayers through nothing more than God’s amazing grace. How silly I was to think I had to do all those things in order for Him to bless me. I need to do those things to grow closer to Him and to be an obedient servant, but regardless of how awful I am at times He still loves and blesses me beyond measure. Thank you.

Romans 8: 38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

write a country song. I told my friend i should write a cheesy romance novel but she said it sounded more like a country song. like to hear it? here it goes:

Four bucks in my pocket, half tank of gas

Risking my life with each semi I pass.

Heart in my stomach, roses on the seat,

Praying she likes this romantic feat.

Racing the clock, taking a chance

No time to stop, might pee my pants.

Standing there terrified, praying to the sky

Hoping she wont notice the tear in my eye.

Best of intentions but words came out wrong

Wondering now if she’ll read this song.

Tried to say what I felt the best I knew how,

Its all up to you, God help me now.

Feel so retarded for driving so far,

Do I pull over to vomit, or right in my car?

Dying to get home and fall in my bed,

Trooper behind me with lights blue and red.

16 miles over and tint way too dark,

I just about cried as I put it in park.

Told him my story and tried not to shake,

Thanks to being honest, he gave me a break.

Time to go home and collapse in my bed,

You’re needed at church the text message said.

While all I could feel was pain for my beauty

I answered the call and performed my duty.

God gave me talents to use for His glory,

I guess that concludes my pitiful story.

Today I was the tenor soloist for Haydn’s Creation. I looked out in the congregation and saw at least 30 of my family and friends out there supporting me. It occurs to me. I AM THE LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE! I normally pray before I sing that I want NO GLORY, that I want all the honor and credit to go to the ONE who gave me a gift, but today I stopped and prayed several times during the performance. I thanked God for the singing going well so far, and asked for guidance through the rest of the piece, but I also thanked Him for loving me and the many gifts He has given me..especially the ones that were sitting in the audience. I go to bed a happy man tonight. peace

A Man Called Jesus

 I’ve written a poem of the Easter story;

about a man, a man of glory.

A man called Jesus willing to die,

they laughed at him and spit in His eye.

In the garden he prayed and wept,

while nearby the disciples slept.

They asked His friends if they knew His name,

they betrayed his love and hid in shame.

They placed a crown of thorns on His head,

He hung on the cross, suffered and bled.

“The King of the Jews” it said on a sign,

a King He is, most certainly mine.

Our Savior shouted as He died on the tree.

“My God, my God, Why hast thou forsaken me?”

Between two robbers Jesus died,

just to make sure they pierced His side.

The dead were raised and the earth shook,

Jesus was crucified, just like a crook.

Lord Jesus Christ rose from the dead,

someone stole His body everyone said.

Before his friends the risen King stands,

the wound in His side and holes in His hands.

He conquered death to save our sins,

with faith in Him everyone wins.

He paid a debt He did not owe,

I read the Bible, it told me so.

Forgiveness of sins is all we need,

Jesus Christ is risen indeed!

Scott R.W. Grefrath

Easter 1993

I heard a song on K-love yesterday that talked about a girl going “100 mph in the wrong direction”. It was “Does anybody hear her?” by Casting Crowns. It says she is “another two years older and three more steps behind”. It reminded me of some people I know who seem like they have just been stuck in the same spot for years or even worse, a few steps behind where they were a few years ago. Not only did this get me thinking about some of the people I know (who shall remain nameless) but it also got me to thinking about myself. While I don’t feel like I am headed in the wrong direction, some of my actions and choices are not helping me get where I want to go. So why do I keep doing them? I also realized that perhaps I have not set the best example for some non-Christians in my life. While I go to church, read the Bible and make (for the most-part) ethical Christian choices, I still do some things and engage in a style of talking and crude humor that gives non-believers something negative to point at. I need to work at knocking that off if I want to be able to tell my story and lead others to Christ. My heart for Christ on the inside has changed but not all of my outside actions have been reflecting that change. Some of the changes I have made are not visible, so I need to work on the one’s that people who I can potentially have an impact on can see. I realized the power that comes with working with younger people and having people (of any age) look up to you.

More thoughts on the song and the person running 100 mph in the wrong direction….

A teacher in college was talking about dilemmas. A true dilemma, he said, is when you have two choices and neither one of them is more appealing than the other (or they are both equally unappealing). But what he said next was what has stuck with me. He said any movement, even in the wrong direction, is better than no movement at all. If you are at a fork in the road and you head off in one direction and it turns out to be the dead end then at least you know and can turn around and head back in the right direction. But if you stay stuck in the middle you will never find out. So I will set out to head in the right direction and if I chose the wrong path, hopefully I dont go down it at 100 mph or crash. I am sure I will take little detours but need to keep focusing on pluggin away towards my final destination. peace.

I just recently had the chance to watch my favorite movie again for the first time in awhile; PATCH ADAMS. People are often surprised when I tell them it is one of my favorite movies, probably my most favorite. I told the young people I was watching it with, who were astonished by my ability to quote it’s lines, that I watched it everytime I wanted to drop out of graduate school. While it was difficult to explain to them that night why I did that, I have not been able to stop thinking about it since. Patch was not willing to let ANYTHING get in the way of his dream. He attacked his school work with fervor because it was his PASSION. He devoured his text books way before the rest of his class, but learning was just one of his passions. The way I most relate to Patch is that we share a passion, getting to know people intimately and using that information to make a profound difference in their lives. Patch also realized that people (particularly medical professionals) were afraid of this intimate connection because of this; getting close enough to someone to have an impact on their life inevitably also has an impact on your life. He asks what happens if we (doctors) become connected with another person (patients) like this, will we explode? I too burn with a passion to have that connection with others and make a difference. Nothing, including losing the love of his life, and a college dean that was out to get him would stop Patch. Grad school was very difficult for me. There were many times I wanted to give up and quit. My father-in-law and mother died while I was in grad school and I began to have extreme marital problems. I watched this movie at least 50 times. Apparently it is based on a true story. I don’t know which parts were real and which were Hollywood, but he loves helping people so much that he does it free. Sometimes I wish I could do my job for free. My life was once devastated by getting fired from my job for no apparent reason, without explanation. Like Patch, I became depressed, not quite near ending up in a mental institution like he did, but depressed enough to spend about four months in poor-me syndrome, drowning my sorrows in double cheeseburgers and by sleeping all day. Suddenly a window of opportunity came about for me to go back to college and pursue my dream of becoming a therapist. My academic advisor for my first bachelor’s degree told me I would never make it as a counselor. Do you think perhaps she knew I was the kind of person who would stop at nothing to prove her wrong. Although my job is far from perfect, I live for helping people. This past few weeks I even had the opportunity to share my faith in counseling sessions with a few remarkable people who saw my diploma from a Christian college hanging on the wall and it sparked a wonderful time of sharing. Sometimes I wonder how to help people who don’t share my faith in Jesus. What else is there to put our hope and trust in? When my grandparents and mother died I was very, very sad, but at the same time I confidently smiled and thought about a song, “Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus”. Well, realizing I got quite off topic here…This is just one reason why I love the movie Patch Adams. I love knowing that I shared my passion for this movie with several young people whom I love and admire. I hope it effected them in some way. Above all things, I hope they get this one thing from it:

Figure out what you are passionate about. Learn everything you will need to know about it and then don’t let ANYTHING or ANYONE stand between you and your dream. With passion, determination and God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!   peace…..

So I haven’t written in awhile but I had to get on today to check out my boys comments. Pretty cool. I am home with a bruised tailbone from falling on the ice yesterday (not your fault rindy). I started ice skating last Sunday. I have been three times and I love it, even-though I am hurting right now. I have been addicted to hockey lately and hope I can learn to skate well enough to play a few pick up games. The hockey family has been great in helping me learn and loaning me used equipment. Old Scott would never ice skate, roller blade or play racquetball. I told the nieces yesterday that fat Uncle Scott would never have taken them ice skating. Maybe I would have watched but never would have done that. They liked it a lot. Hope to do it more. Yesterday was great, besides the sore buttocks. Church with my little braden boy and the girls and then lunch. Then ice skating with the girls, Rindy and Dan. I have gotten so much better in only three attempts. Girls did great too. Then we went up to hospital to visit Aunt Ruth with her broken hip. She was so happy to see the girls. They have this amazing ability to brighten your day. Fell asleep on sister’s living room floor for a quick nap. Girls were disappointed I couldn’t rollerblade with them but I tried. Butt hurt and I was much too afraid of falling again. Then I made it to movie night at the Walton’s. We watched grid iron gang. Pretty good story but it seemed kind of cheesy or i guess typical gang of kids learning a sport kind of thing. So much like other movies that have already done that it seemed like I had already seen the movie. Breakfast with Pastor Paul this morning. I love that dude. He mentioned The Illusionist and The Guardian. Two movies I have to see.

Gotta split. Lots I hope to acccomplish today. Peace.